"I'm not over"

The song I am playing on repeat currently. I find is quite motivating, especially given current circumstances.

In which Tara does something borderline crazy

I, Tara, made a rational decision the other day.

I decided it was time to start running again.

Now, I know some of you are sitting there going, well, so what. Lots of people jog, run 5K/marathons/Ironmans, what's so different about you?

Honest, nothing really. I'm just a lazy couch potato of a person who watches the joggers go by on my daily walk to and from school who's like, hum, that could be interesting. At the same time, everytime I have those thoughts, the other part of my brain goes, you know, your knees, they can't handle it. Just keep walking.

So I decided on Friday to say, screw you knees, I'm going to try. I used to love going out for a run and I want to. So there.

And I did it. More or less. I ran 3 minutes out of 30, but today, I ran 4 minutes out of 30. You might be lying on the floor, roaring with laughter, but I am proud of myself. I know that if I keep going, I will make it to 5 minutes, than 10, and eventually 30.

So I just need to keep running and keep telling my brain that I can do it. Contrary to popular belief.

Getting your flirt on

Flirting is not something I'm naturally good at. I've realized that over the years. I'm not sure if it's because I'm shy, or it's due to situations in which I have no idea what the best route to take, but I find that I'm just not very good at it. I'm not one of those girls that you see at a bar, who flips their hair, stares you straight in the eyes, and obviously plays hard to get. No, that's not me.

That being said, I like when a guy flirts with me. A nice guy, of the variety who wants to get to know me, and has some flirting thrown in. And given the right conversation, I can flirt right on back.

The plus side of this kind of flirting is that it feels good. It's a seriously nice boost to my self-esteem after the funk I've been in. It was amazing to have those butterflies fluttering away in my stomach, beating rapidly. It was also amazing to learn that to some guys, I'm still sexually attractive and not as washed up as I thought I was.

All in all, a good night and a nice change of pace.

Hump Days

When I used to work summer camp, we would call Wednesdays "Hump Days" because it was the point in the week where we were halfway through a fun week, as well as half way to being done. That being said, it was one of those days that had the perfect amount of "hurrahs!" to "hums".

Personally, I've been having a lot of hump days lately. Days where I thought nothing was right with the world, that I, as a person, had yet to achieve the goals that I wanted in life, and that I was lacking meaning in my life. Yes, my dear readers, meaning. For lack of a better term, I was having an existential crisis.

A large part of this crisis was around the topic of being single, which is definately not a comfortable stance for me. I find that I am at the point in my life where many of my friends are getting engaged, married, or inleast shacking up with their significant others. I'm in one wedding this summer as a Maid of Honor to one of my best friends and helping two others with their own weddings, one in October of this year and one in October of next. Like it or not, I've got wrapped up into wedding mode.

Now don't get me wrong, I've very happy that my friends are getting married. I have hug them in celebration, I have cried from happiness, I have sent engagement cards. I tried to celebrate with them in their happiness.

And it worked. Until I found out that my ex-boyfriend was engaged and I was still alone.

Now, I know that being single is not the same as being alone, but I felt that way. I sometimes still feel that way. I feel that I am wondering aimlessly in this world of paired off couples and I am doing it alone.

That being said, I don't think that there is one easy answer to this question. Rather, I think it's a journey, a journey that I've been on for a while and I think I will be for a while.

Mind you, an exit ramp in the shape of a guy who wants to date me, than propose to me, than marry me, would be absolutely lovely. A girl can dream, right?

Being a bad, bad blogger

It's been over a month since I've written on my blog. For the sake of the three people in the world who may or may not read my blog, I'm sorry. I've been a bad blogger. If you could see me now, you would be able to see that I am scolding myself as we speak (uh... type).

Anyways, I won't provide you with crazy details at this time, but they will be mentioned/talked about in future posts. Needless to say, there is more to loving yourself than meets the eyes (or Valentine's Day).

Healthy vs. Happy

I'm going to be honest today. I'm trying to lose weight and become a shape for two reasons: to be healthier and to feel happier about myself.

The healthier bit is one that I believe most people, including my doctor, agree with. I need to lose weight, simply because it is not good to carry around extra weight for lots of reasons, including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. Hence, why I want to lose some of it.

Now, it's time for a disclaimer: I am quite happy in regards to myself 90% of the time. I love my program and my career path, which allows me to contribute to the "greater good". I have amazing friends, a darling apartment, and I'm relatively healthy. However, the second someone reminds me that I'm still single at 26, that I can't afford a car, a Blackberry, or a trip to Europe, or that I won't look as good in a bikini as a size 4 model, the happiness starts to fade a little. Needless to say, I can be as shallow everyone else.

So how does happiness relate to my weight loss goal? The quick answer is: I want to look good in a bikini, I want to no longer have a muffin top, I want to make my ex-boyfriend jealous when he sees pictures of me on the internet. Now, I'm not too sure how these things are necessarily going to make me happier, going to make me feel better about myself, but I sometimes, those things are what are motivating me to workout. And sometimes, shallow motivation is better than no motivation at all.

Week Three Weigh-in

Good news!

I've lost 5 pounds. I'm down to 160! Yahoo!

So what's my BMI? 27.5. That's a .7 improvement over my starting BMI. Not bad if I do say so myself.

I still have another 20 pounds to lose, ideally by May. Fingers cross that this weight loss continues!

The Dating Game

Sometimes, you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. This is one such story.

A few weekends ago, I went to a hockey game where my old alma mater was playing my current alma mater to see my old boss. The game was loads of fun and I was able to meet some fellow alumni who, needless to say, were much older than me. I did not see this as a problem though, simply due to the world of networking.

I got an e-mail last Friday from an old boss of mine. In it, he said that this guy he knows thought I was interesting. Now, being the shallow person I can occassionally be, I decided why not? Send me his contact information.

Long story short, it turns out that after a little bit of internet stalking, that the guy who wants to get to know me graduated in... 1986. Yes, he graduate when I was two! Which makes him about 47 now.

Eek.

Now, not that I would suggest doing this, but I decided that I'm really not interested (especially since he is almost as old as my father). So I'm deleated his e-mail and moved on with my life, thinking everything is going to be A-ok. Not so! Turns out he has my e-mail address and wants me to give him a call. That e-mail got moved to the deleted pile as well.

Long story short, the dating world is weird and wild, plus not necessarily filled with people that I would like to get to know on a personal, romantic level. That being said, I wish the 47 year old the best of luck, hopefully with someone else.

Loving It!: Lululemon Scuba Hoodie

I have developed, over the last several years, an obsession with Lululemon. Lululemon is a Canadian company specializing in higher end athletic clothing for women and men. More specifically, they started off with yoga as it's focus, but has steadly grown from there.

That being said, due largely to their price range, I often browse and rarely buy. Of course, once in a while, I break down and buy myself something pretty that I often wear A LOT and love to death, even after kicking myself over the cost of it.

So, here's my current baby, the Lululemon Scuba Hoodie in Wish Blue Poncho print.



What's to love?

-It's that right combination of casual, work out comfort, with a little something something, which I'm sure is due to the print!

-It's long enough that it reaches the top of my hips, which makes it perfect for jeans and work out pants, without riding up!

-It's super soft on the inside and warm too. Plus it's cuddly, which is perfect for late night readings!

-If zipped up all the way, the zipper doesn't bang me in the chin, which I like.

-Plus the color! I heart me some Wish Blue and I have several pieces in this color. It is love for me.

Now, if this pattern or color isn't your thing, feel free to drop by Lululemon's website and see if there are other things up your alley. There are also stores across Canada and the USA, which often offer in store classes, ect. My local Lululemon, for example, does yoga on Parliament Hill every Wednesday at 12 PM from May to September, which is pretty cool!

Photo credit and where to buy: Lululemon

Week Two Weigh-in and falling off the wagon

A few days late posting, but inleast I've got around to it!

As of Monday, January 10, 2011, I have lost about 2 pounds via exercise and eating properly. Not bad for the first week!

That being said, I then promply fell off the wagon. I did not exercise either Monday or Wednesday, and was unable to go to my yoga class on Sunday. Needless to say, the only person to blame is myself and more specifically, tooth pain. Yes, I did not exercise because my tooth hurt. It's a terrible excuse, but it's true.

So I decided to inleast due something today, so I did about 10 minutes of ab exercises. True, it's not the ideal, but it's better than nothing. Also, it will remind me to get back on the wagon again. Sometimes, it's those baby steps that get us to our goals.

The art of calling it a day

I decided this afternoon that I would fit in the workout that I didn't do yesterday. My goal was to do a 50 minute Budokon so that I would fit my workout in, switch things up, and get a good work out.

Long story short, I ended up giving up about 25 minutes in. I couldn't do it anymore. My muscles were screaming, I wasn't liking the feeling, and I thought that inleast the first part (yoga) would be done by now. Not so.

Now, I can be a world class giver-upper when it come to exercising. It's true. But at the same time, after years of yoga, I've learned that if I'm feeling pain, I need to take a step back and modify or stop. In this situation, after 25 minutes, I decided that stopping was the best option.

Nevertheless, I find I still have those feelings of, "I could have stuck it out!", "Don't be a quitter!". And feeling those things are rough, but necessary. They are what help motivate me to try and get myself out there, into physical activity, to lose that weight. At the same time though, I have to help myself and by helping myself, it means not injurying myself. To me, these two sides need to be balance and it is something I will continue to strive to do.

Dancing in my underwear can be considered cardio?

So apparently dancing around in your underwear can count as cardio. Strange, but true.



Well, there are a few guidelines to this. The music should be relatively fast and you need to do it for 30 minutes.

Now, given that I know this and that I really don't like going to the gym for the first three weeks of January, mostly because I'm looking forward to all those people who can't keep their resolutions (but not I!), I thought I would give it a try. I closed my living room blinds, loaded iTunes, and played a playlist filled with fast pace songs that I like.

Needless to say, this was some of my most fun cardio to date. I could do it at home, with no need to put on special clothing, and listen to music I wanted to. I could also try my own interpretation of different types of dancing, including modern, ballet, hip hop, and Irish. It was like being a kid again!

That being said, I think half an hour was a long time to keep my attention. I love dancing, but I think I would prefer to dance with my friends at a bar or take a class.

Either way, this type of cardio might be one that I can turn to in my hours of cardio need, which definately means a plus in my books!

Image found at .

Day 1

As I had decided over the weekend (due to friends in town and yummy food lying around), I came to the conclusion that I was going to start my resolution on Monday, January 3rd.

So now that today has come and gone, how did today go? Well, as far as first days go, not so good.

I was able to fit in a workout tonight for about 40 minutes. I did it at home, in front of my laptop, while watching an episode of Miami Ink on Netflix. I was able to do a bit of cardio, without a machine, and some weights and sit-ups. Now, was this the most ideal workout? Probably not. Did I inleast fit a workout in today instead of doing the whole, "Oh well, I'll do it tomorrow?" ? Yes I did. So in some ways, I have been successful today in moving one step closer to my goals. Now just to keep up the hard work...

Starting Weight and Measurements

So on December 31, 2010, I weight and measured myself to see where I am starting. Here's the results, with a BMI calculation as well:

Weight: 165 pounds
BMI: 28.3 (Overweight)

Bust: 36 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Hips: 41 inches

After doing some research (I heart you Google!), I discovered that to have a BMI in the healthy range, I need to weigh 140 pounds, with a BMI of 24. Hence, my goal weight is 140 pounds by May 1, 2010.

25 pounds in 5 months? I can do it!

Let the weight loss begin!

Image from LiveStrong